*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"CARD CAPTOR SCIENCE THEATER 3000" (SEASON FOUR)
EPISODE 39: SAKURA’S STORY
(A Street Fighter Alpha MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
“Card Captor Sakura” is a trademark of CLAMP and those who distribute it.
“Street Fighter Alpha 2” is the property of Capcom Co.
“Sakura’s Story” is the property of RanmaSolo1 and he’s welcome to it.
I do not intend to offend him by making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does.
Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)
WARNING: The fanfic featured in this MSTing has artificial lime flavoring that may upset your digestive system.
**
[PART TWO:]
**
(Door 6: It’s a giant Clow card. Sakura changes it into a Sakura card and it disappears.)
(Door 5: It’s a labyrinth. You smash through it with Kaho’s bell.)
(Door 4: It’s a waterfall. You freeze it and smash through.)
(Door 3: It’s a giant box of living plushies. It tips over and the plushies run off giggling.)
(Door 2: It’s a Venetian blind. You spend five minutes trying to get it to roll up before cutting through it with scissors.)
(Door 1: It’s made of concrete. The plushies come back with construction equipment and reduce it to dust.)
(Door .7: The camera pans downward to a teleporter pad. You step onto it and are suddenly surrounded by bright light.)
Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Aeris are teleported directly into their seats while Kero-Chan floats overhead.
Sakura: I feel like I’m dressed for the spa.
Tomoyo: Say… I thought we only had two baths on this satellite.
<The others stare at Sakura and Syaoran, who blush and remain silent>
>Chapter 2: First Competition
Aeris: Hmmm… That’s not much of a tournament name.
Kero: Not much of a sequel name either.
> It took half the yen Sakura had to enter
her
>competition. It was in the storage area of an abandoned factory, just outside
>
Syaoran: Five thousand yen to enter this?!
Sakura: Abandoned factory, huh? I guess the set budget ran out after using the night club and the hotel and everything.
>There were a lot of people here to fight, and at least 20 times as many
>spectators.
Tomoyo: There are eighteen fighters in Alpha 2, which means… three hundred and sixty spectators.
Kero: They would have had more but the Dead or Alive tournament was in town.
>That made Sakura a little nervous. She hadn't realized that there
>would be so many people there to watch. A lot were already cheering for blood
>and death.
Aeris: Ahhh… Wrestling fans. Hey! I think I see Lynxara in the crowd.
Syaoran: Then the spectators realized this *wasn’t* the Mortal Kombat tournament and they were on the wrong set.
> Sakura had come prepared though. Her hair was cut short, so no one could
>grab it, and she wore a pair of denim shorts, fairly loose fitting, and her gi
>top.
Sakura: And I thought the outfit from the game was weird.
Syaoran: Sakura Kasugano must be studying wardrobe with Yuri Sakazaki.
Aeris:<Sakura Kasugano> Go Kyokugen!!
>Most everyone else was dressed in leather, chains, and various biker
>apparel. There were a couple other women in the fighters area. They all
>dressed in tight clothes. Sakura couldn't see how they could move in the
>outfits.
Tomoyo:<Kula Diamond> Actually, it’s a lot easier than it looks.
> There was one young man (who appeared to be her age) who dressed fairly
>normal. He was wearing a Chinese fighting outfit, apparently kung fu in style,
>although she could tell he was Japanese.
Syaoran:<scowling> Because all those Kung-Fu masters in *Chinese* clothes are *clearly* Japanese.
>The top was red, and he wore dark blue pants. What seemed strange to her though, was that his hair was in a
>braid. She hadn't seen many guys with long hair, let along guys who would
>braid their hair. Most just left their hair loose or put it in a quick
>ponytail.
Aeris: INTENSE… HAIR DESCRIPTION… ACTION….
Sakura: Ten bucks says it’s Ranma.
Tomoyo: Yup. We have crossover cameo!
> "Hello," she said to him. She wanted to talk with someone, and he was
>the only normal looking one around.
Kero: When Ranma is the normal one, you’re in with the wrong crowd, dear.
> "Huh, oh hi," he responded. He was really handsome too. The fact she
>noticed that surprised her. She really didn't care how guys looked to her
>since she was raped. She usually just imagined herself kicking their asses all
>the way to hell.
Syaoran: Really? She seemed pretty blasé about the whole thing before.
>There was some quality about this guy, that she liked.
Aeris:<Sakura Kasugano> I have this urge to get engaged to him.
>"I don't think spectators are allowed down here," he added after taking a look at
>her.
> "I'm not a spectator. I'm fighting." His face faulted when he heard
>that.
Kero:<Ranma> A *girl* fighter?! Who’s ever heard of a formidable girl fight--
Syaoran:<Shampoo> Nihao!
Sakura:<Ukyo> Hey, Ran-chan!
Tomoyo: <Hinako> Delinquents…
Aeris:<
Sakura:<
Tomoyo and Aeris:<Natsume and Kurumi> Hi, Ranma!
Kero:<Ranma> Never mind…
Syaoran: The Girl Fighters sketch, ladies and gentlemen…
> "What would make a girl like you fight in a competition like this?" he
>asked. *I wonder if she's some kind of tomboy. The haircut's about right for
>that,* he thought to himself.
Aeris:<Sakura Kasugano a la Akane> RANMA NO BAKA!! <WHAM!!>
> "I'm trying to find someone," she responded. Sakura expected him to get
>closer and say something like, 'Well, you found someone," but he didn't.
> "Who?"
Syaoran:<Abbott> Exactly.
Sakura:<Costello> Look. Who’s on first?
Syaoran:<Abbott> Right.
Sakura:<Costello> I’m askin’ what’s the guy’s name on first?
Syaoran:<Abbott> No. What’s on second.
Sakura:<Costello> I don’t know!
Syaoran:<Abbott> He’s on third.
> She was taken aback by that. He was definitely not like any other guy
>she had met before.
Tomoyo: So this is the first guy she’s met who isn’t a sarcastic wiseass?
> "A man who once saved my life. He's kinda like my mentor. I want him to
>fully train me in his style of martial arts." It kind of poured from her
>before she realized what she was saying. "It's rumored he fights on this
>circuit." She paused a moment. "His name's Ryu, ever heard of him?"
Kero:<Ranma> Oh yeah. The Capcom fighting mascot… At least until he was replaced by Ruby Heart.
Aeris:<Ryu> Stop reminding me of that.
> "No, this is my first time fighting like this," he said. "I'm just doing
>it to get money for a gift for my... um... ah... I guess girlfriend." He
>sounded uncomfortable with that word, although Sakura didn't really notice.
Sakura:<Sakura Kasugano> Somebody sayin’ somethin’?
Syaoran: I wonder which one he’s talking about.
>She was more let down by him mentioning a girlfriend. "I'd have borrowed money
>from her sister, but she'd charge me so much interest that I'd be in debt the
>rest of my life, and she is no one to be in debt to."
Kero: Well, I guess that answers your question, huh, kid?
Syaoran: Don’t call me that, plushie.
Aeris:<Nabiki> Hey! My interest rates are very reasonable. And if you can’t pay in cash, you can always pose for a few photos for me.
>He pictured last Christmas and a certain rooftop fiasco.
> "Well, I was hoping to get information about Ryu here, and use the prize
>money to head to his location."
Kero:<Sakura Kasugano> And the rest I’ll spend on booze and whores!
Tomoyo:<Mai Shiranui> Why is everyone looking at me like that?
> "An interesting plan. But that means you have to win."
> "I know."
> "Well, you'll have to beat me, and I never lose." Sakura smiled at him.
Syaoran:<Ranma> Hey! That’s *my* line!
> "We'll see." He smiled right back.
> "Of course, I don't fight girls." He smiled back.
Sakura: He smiled back twice?
> "Then how will you beat me?"
> "I'll think of something." At that point, Sakura was gestured to as the
>next fighter.
Aeris: Ummm… That’s not what that gesture means, Sakura.
Tomoyo:<Sakura Kasugano> Oh, it’s just the guy I dumped at the prom.
>She stepped into the ring.
Kero:<Michael Buffer> Leeeeeet’s get ready to RUUUUUUUMBLLLLLLEEEEE!!!
>Across from her was a weird looking
>guy. He had on a blue mask, arm guards, and pants. His red shirt had what
>appeared to be shoulder pads but really boxy, and a white kanji symbol.
Aeris:
Tomoyo: Yeah. Why not book somebody tougher. Like Dan Hibiki.
Syaoran: Ouch…
>Sakura wasn't sure what the symbol was.
Sakura: Because the Japanese clearly can’t read their own language.
Kero: Maybe he just has lousy handwriting?
>One thing that worried her though was that
>this Man had two jutte in his belt. Sakura hadn't know weapons would be
>allowed.
Aeris: Apparently they’re allowed in Dead or Alive too. How else could Kasumi get away with carrying that kodachi everywhere?
Kero: Yeah. But she never seems to use it.
Sakura:<Kasumi> I will win this battle…
> "I am known as Katana, the leader of the Mad Gear Gang. It will be a
>pleasure to destroy you."
Syaoran: Katana? The hell?
Sakura: SNES version, remember?
Syaoran: Oh, yeah.
>Sakura was a bit stunned. For one thing, the guy
>sounded American and was fluent in Japanese. For the other thing, she had read
>in the paper that the Mad Gear Gang had been demolished over a year ago.
>Apparently, someone else read the same paper.
Tomoyo: Wow… A circulation of two!
> "Hey, those jerks got their butts kicked by three solitary guys. Three
>solitary guys to their thousand. I wouldn't proclaim to be their leader," an
>audience member heckled.
Aeris:<heckler> LOOOOOOOOOSSSSSEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!
Syaoran:<Katana> *sniff* That’s not nice… I have feelings to you know.
> Katana quickly ran to that member.
Kero: GAH!! No! Chapter one flashbacks!!
>On the way he pulled his jutte from their places, and then stabbed downward. The hooked
>handles grabbed hold of the idiot and Katana pulled him up into the air before
>slamming him to the ground.
Tomoyo:<announcer> HYPER COMBO FINISH!!
>The sound of bones breaking could be heard. The
>rest of the audience was quiet for a moment and then started cheering.
All:<audience> Yay…
> Katana got back to the ring, and the announcing gave the call to begin.
>Katana went to use the same move on Sakura, but she was ready for him. As he
>came at her, she ran towards him.
<All hum romantic music>
Syaoran:<Katana, sappy> Sakura! You came back to me!
> "SHO-O-KEN!!!!" She started her uppercut. The first hit landed on his
>jaw and knocked him upward. Sakura spun for the second hit and third and
>forth. Katana dropped his jutte as he came crashing down.
Aeris: AIR COMBO!
Sakura:<singing> For you, for me… Come crash into me…
>Sakura on the other-hand landed softly. Unfortunately, she assumed she had won. Katana
>wasn't knocked out. Without even bothering with his jutte, he punched at her.
>At the last possible moment Sakura avoided, but Katana punched with his other
>hand as well.
Kero:<singing> Punch! Kick! It’s all in the mind!
>The second one caught Sakura on the side. Sakura went to the
>ground.
> Sakura didn't have time to feel to much pain, although she was definitely
>aware of it. As she hit the ground, she sprung up, bringing her left knee into
>Katana's crotch.
<Syaoran winces>
Tomoyo: Oh… The Johnny Cage specialty.
>He brought his hands down and covered his bruised balls.
>Sakura used that moment to punch Katana in the mouth, that being the only spot
>not covered by the mask. His mouth started bleeding and he spit a tooth out.
Syaoran:<Katana> Awww, damn! My dental plan expired last week.
> "You'll pay for that," he said; at least, that's what it sounded like.
>It was hard to tell with all the blood pouring from his gums and lip.
Tomoyo:<Sakura Kasugano> Hey! I’m not the tooth fairy.
Sakura:<Lucia of the Blue Star> Pain…
>Katana grabbed Sakura by her waist and picked her up. He was getting ready to slam
>her down, but hadn't realized how long her legs were. She was able to kick him
>in the throat. Katana dropped her.
Aeris: …like a bad habit.
Kero: Man… Tamayo Kizaki could take this moron. Pocky and/or Rocky could take this moron.
Sakura:<Lynxara> Who booked this crap?!
>Sakura took the moment to do another of
>her dragon punch-like uppercuts. This time when Katana landed he was out cold.
> Sakura was pronounced the winner of that fight.
Syaoran:<Katana> Man… Beaten senseless by a girl… How emabarrassing… What could be next?
Tomoyo:<Kula Diamond> I’ll be your next opponent.
Syaoran:<Katana> Dammit…
Kero: I’m guessing we won’t see Katana in “Soul Calibur” anytime soon, unless they’re looking for a training dummy.
Aeris:<Seung Mina> Hold still now. This will hurt you more than it does me.
> The young man Sakura had been talking to was next. He was fighting a
>woman. Sakura couldn't help but smile over that.
Sakura:<Sakura Kasugano> Ha, ha! Loser.
>She started laughing when she saw the expression on his face. It was one of utter dismay. It was
>obvious that he didn't want to fight her. The woman could see this as well.
Tomoyo: I don’t suppose this woman has a name?
>With an evil smile of her face she started a series of kicks at the young man.
Aeris: So that narrows it down to Chun Li, Cammy, Juni, Juli, Karin, May Lee, Mai, Yuri, Athena, Morrigan, Lilith, Q. Bee, Felicia, Kasumi, Ayane, Leifang, Helena, Hitomi…
>He dodged or blocked them all. That infuriated the woman. The crowd on the
>other hand was cheering like crazy.
> The woman started screaming something unintelligibe
Kero: She’s not the only thing that’s unintelligible around here.
>and throwing a series of punches. The young man dodged all of them this time,
Syaoran: INTENSE… NO-SELLING… ACTION!!
Sakura: Ranma’s Mad Ninja Skillz seem to involve a GameShark.
>and with her last punch, jumped over the woman. As he went over her, he placed his hands on
>her back and shoved her forward. The woman went flying out the ring, and the
>young man flipped and landed gracefully on the mat. He was declared the
>winner.
Kero:<Soul Calibur announcer> Ring out! You win!
> Four other fights went on before Sakura's next bout. Once again she was
>fighting a man, he looked almost as strange as the last one.
Syaoran:<Rolento> What? Have I got something on my face?
>This guy, who the crowd cheered on as Adon, had his wrists and ankles wrapped, something Sakura
>realized wasn't too bad of an idea.
Aeris: INTENSE… BANDAGE WRAPPING… ACTION!!!
All:<crowd> BAND-AGE! BAND-AGE BAND-AGE!
Sakura: This crowd needs to get out more.
>Along with the wrapping, he wore blue and
>gold shorts, like a boxer, and a blue and red arm band. His hair however was
>laughable. It was bright red, an obvious dye job, and shaped almost like a
>medieval shield on top, the top being perfectly flat.
Tomoyo: I thought that was a hat.
Syaoran: Either way, it still looks dorky.
> The competition started. Sakura once again started with her uppercut.
>Adon yelled, "JAGUAR" and kneed Sakura in the chest. She flew back and landed
>unceremoniously on her butt.
Aeris:<Sakura Kasugano> I’m getting my butt kicked by *Adon*?! What’s wrong with this picture?
>She was dazed as well. Adon did a back-flip in
>to the air at the ceiling. He bent his knees as his feet touched a beam.
Kero: Adon *IS* Spider-Man!
Syaoran:<Peter Parker> Like hell he is!
>Then suddenly he screamed "JAGUAR!!!" again and straightened his legs and pushed off
>the beam. He flew at Sakura at what seemed to be Mach 1. Sakura looked up and
>saw Adon streaking at her.
All: Eeeeeewwwww!!!
Sakura: Very… bad… mental… image…
> Being a smart girl, Sakura moved out of his way. Adon noticed this and
>reacted quickly. Opening his fists, he hit the ground with his palms. Using
>his hands, he pushed himself into the air again and with a back flip was
>standing in the middle of the ring.
Aeris: As opposed to say, launching another attack?
Kero:<Adon> Well, I’ll just head to the center of the ring… Make myself an easy target… Dum de dum…
> "SHUN-PU-KYAKU!!" Sakura exclaimed as she did her hurricane kick into
>Adon's face.
Tomoyo:<Sakura Kasugano> EAT THIS, BITCH!! BOOT TO DA HEAD!!
> "Shampoo... Where???" The young boy with the braid asked as he looked
>around, not realizing what Sakura had actually said.
All: COMEDY!!
Syaoran: I like this fic! It’s full of the kind of humor that makes you want to put your eyes out.
> Adon took the kick, but managed to stay relatively on his feet. He
>looked at the girl and said, "Your style is not unlike the style of the man who
>beat Sagat."
Sakura: …like a drum.
Tomoyo: It’s not really his fault. He has poor depth perception.
> "And who was that?" Sakura asked, trying to sound intimidating, but
>hoping upon hope that he would answer.
Aeris: But would it be his *final* answer?
> "I believe his name was RYU," Adon answered.
All:<imitate dramatic soap opera music>
Sakura:<Sakura Kasugano> GASP!
>He could see in her face
>that she wanted to know more. Of course that was really, and I mean really,
>easy to tell by the look on her face. She didn't hide it well at all.
Kero: Way to go, poker-face.
> "Where was he?" she asked.
> "Why should I tell you?" he said as he jump-kicked at her. Sakura hadn't
>been paying attention and was hit full force and went flying out of the ring.
Tomoyo:<Sakura Kasugano> Oh, right… The fight I was in the middle of. Duh!
>"You're pathetic. I won't bother telling you anything about Ryu," he heckled
>after.
Syaoran: After what?
> "YAAAAA!!!!" came a voice from behind Adon. Adon felt a kick land in the
>small of his back. "You should be nicer to ladies," said the attacker.
Kero:<Ranma> Teasing, mocking and insulting is one thing! But this is where I draw the line!
>Adon turned around and saw the boy with the braid. The boy punched Adon in the
>face. Adon looked mad.
Syaoran:<dryly> Gee… I wonder why.
Aeris:<Adon> You slapped me! You bitch!
>However, the crowd was cheering so loudly the shock
>waves threatened to down the building.
Tomoyo: Not much of a building is it?
>The best fights were always ones that
>erupted during the competition and not set up for the competition.
Sakura: Ummm… Say what?
Kero: Sentence last not did sense make.
> Adon jumped and did a back-flip. Once again he went up to the ceiling,
>but the boy was ready. As Adon pushed off, the boy exclaimed, "HIRYUU SHOTEN
>HA!!!!" A blast of Ki energy erupted from the boy's hands.
Syaoran:<Ranma> HADOKEN!
Sakura:<Ranma> KIKOKEN!
Tomoyo:<Ranma> SONIC BOOM!
Kero:<Ranma> GADOKEN!
Aeris:<Ranma> PSYCHO BALL!
>Adon flew head first into it. Adon was engulfed and then thrown back literally into the wall.
Sakura: As opposed to figuratively?
Tomoyo: What wall? I thought they were fighting in a ring.
>It was a short fight, but the crowd was going wild.
All:<deadpan> Yay.
>"Now where did you last see Ryu?" he
asked.
> "
>consciousness.
Syaoran:<Adon> Rose… bud…
Aeris:<Adon> Beware… the… dwarf…
>The fighter who was next and last had watched and, when no one
>was looking, ran out of the building. Normal weapons he could deal with, but
>energy blasts, he couldn't... at least not yet.
Sakura: Ummm… What was the point of even mentioning this guy then?
Tomoyo:<singing> Sir Nameless ran away! He bravely ran away, away!
> The young boy was declared the winner of the competition and given the
>prize money. It was a lot of money.
Kero:<Dr. Evil> He won… A HUNDERED BILLION DOLLARS!!
>He looked over at Sakura. She looked a
>little sad. Of course he knew why.
Sakura: She was still in this fanfic.
Aeris: If I lost to a dork like Adon I’d be feeling down too.
>She had information on Ryu, but she spent
>almost all her money to get into the competition. There was no way she'd have
>enough
left for a plane ticket to
Syaoran:<William Shatner> Unless she booked… with… Priceline.com!
> "You know what, there is a lot more money than I need for that gift. If
>you'd
like to have some for your trip to
>looked at him shocked. She also couldn't afford to argue with him.
Kero: Oh, great… Now he’s descending into puns.
> "Thank you," she replied with tears in her eyes. She gave him a kiss on
>the cheek.
Tomoyo: Just then, Akane showed up and immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. Mallet themed violence ensued.
Sakura: The pointless anime cameo has left the building.
Syaoran: Geez… What’s next? Are Yurika, Akito and Ruri going to show up in the Nadesico or something?
>**********
Kero: These ten stars all want to be the next American Idol! Unfortunately, Simon Cowell made them all cry and go home.
> Sakura was on the plane to
>to airport to say goodbye.
Aeris:<singing> I’m leaving on a jet plane! Don’t know when I’ll be back again!
>When she was boarding he had said, "If you're ever
>in the Nerima district, come visit me."
Syaoran: Good idea, Ranma. Invite a random girl to just drop in. How could *that* lead to any misunderstandings?
> "Where do you live?" she asked.
> "Well, just look where all the trouble is and I'll probably be in the
>middle of it," he replied.
Kero: Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with C and that stands for Crap!
>At first, she thought he was kidding, but the look
>in his eyes told her that he wasn't. All in all, he was a nice guy. She just
>wished she had asked his name.
Tomoyo: But the author was hoping he had cleverly disguised his crossover and didn’t want to risk blatantly exposing who the cameo character was.
> Sakura sat and watched a movie while flying.
Aeris:<Sakura Kasugano> I can fly! I can fly! I can fly!
>She had never been on a plane before, but she was enjoying it. At least until there was some engine
>trouble.
Sakura:<Sakura Kasugano> THERE’S A GREMLIN ON THE WING OF THE PLANE!!
>The
plane was forced to make an emergency landing in
>Once there, the passengers were told by the air service that there wouldn't be
>another plane ready until the next day, but they would pay for some cheap
>hotel.
Kero: I didn’t know Motel 6 operated in
> Sakura felt really down. One day could make a difference between meeting
>Ryu or missing him. She was really depressed...
Syaoran: So to recap, Sakura was J but now she’s L. Got that?
Sakura: How did you do that?
>Sakura walked to the hotel.
>Along the way she bumped into another young lady. She guessed the woman was
>nineteen or twenty.
Aeris: Which means it could be just about anybody.
Tomoyo:<Ayeka> Damn it! Where did Washu land us now?!
> <I'm sorry,> The lady apologized. She then looked at the girl,
>realizing she was Japanese. "I'm sorry," she repeated, this time in Japanese.
Kero: INTENSE… APOLOGY… ACTION!!
> <That's all right,> Sakura replied. <I speak Chinese.> The lady looked
>a little surprised. Chinese was one of four languages Sakura knew pretty well.
Syaoran: The others being Pig Latin and Tom Clancy-ese.
> Other than her home language and Chinese, she knew some Russian and a lot of
>English, those being the nationalities of most her Gymnastic competition.
Sakura: Why she bothered is beyond us since they would need translators for foreign competitors anyway.
Aeris:<Sakura’s Mother> YOU WILL LEARN THOSE FOREIGN LANGUAGES! <makes whip cracking sound>
>One thing a little more surprising was that Sakura could read most of the
>languages.
Syaoran: Four different languages in four different alphabets? I don’t think so.
> "I'm pretty fluent in Japanese," the lady replied, "if you're more
>comfortable with that. I used to be a tour guide when I was younger. I had a
>lot of Japanese clients. Two in particular caused me a lot of trouble, but
>they were cute," she said and smiled broadly.
Kero: Why do I feel that this is another Ranma reference?
> "I don't mind either way," she paused. "My name's Sakura." She held out
>her hand.
> "I'm Chun Li," replied the lady.
Tomoyo: Gee… That’s hardly a surprise.
>They shook hands. Both noticed that
>the other shook as would be done in a martial arts competition.
Sakura: Come again?
Aeris: So the Street Fighters have a secret handshake?
> "You compete?" they asked at the same time. The two laughed at
>themselves.
Syaoran: Oh, for fun! It’s a wacky sit-com!
Kero:<announcer> This week on “Sakura and Chun-Li”…
> "Would you like to get something to eat?" Chun Li asked.
> "Sure," replied Sakura. The pair headed for a Cafe that was nearby.
Tomoyo: If they run into Shampoo,
> The two ladies ate together and talked. Sakura asked Chun Li about her
>competing. Chun Li for her part seemed a bit hesitant to answer, then replied
>with, "I don't really compete anymore."
All:<cough>bullshit<cough>
Sakura:<Chun-Li> Aside for appearing in almost every single Capcom fighting game.
> "Neither do I. I know very few people ever admit this, but I do a lot of
>underground fighting," Sakura said, hoping to impress her new acquaintance.
Aeris: So she doesn’t compet much, but she fights a lot? The hell…?!
>It had the desired affect as Chun Li's face showed pure shock on it, although her
>verbal response was totally unexpected.
Sakura:<Chun Li> I am the guardian of the hell!
Tomoyo:<Chun Li> I like waffles!
Aeris:<Chun Li> You are *so* KAWAII!
Kero:<Chun Li> You could have gotten mustard all over your brain!
> "Street Fighting is not for someone your age. It is very serious. It is
>definitely not a game." She was trying hard not to yell that out.
Syaoran: Ooh, the *irony*.
Kero: So wonderfully subtle too. Like a shovel to the face.
> "I know that," replied Sakura, also trying not to yell. "It's not fun
>and games for me. It's the only way I can find my mentor." Once again Chun Li
>looked surprised.
Aeris:<Chun Li> Searching the world for a mentor? Isn’t that about as ridiculous as a fighter searching for revenge over a murdered parent or-- Oh, wait…
> "Your mentor?"
> "Yeah, he saved my life once and showed me the first moves I learned."
Kero: Erm… No comment.
> "I fight to catch up to the man who killed my father," Chun Li replied,
>her head down. Her voice had a lot of sadness in it.
Tomoyo:<Chun Li> I am Chun Li Xiang. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Syaoran: How many people do you suppose have already done that joke?
Sakura: You can’t beat the classics.
> "I'm sorry," replied Sakura.
> "That's all right. I'm sorry for yelling at you." The two made up and
>Chun
Li offered to take her to her place for as long as she would be in
>Sakura gratefully accepted.
Kero: Sure. Just shack up with some stranger. Why not? It worked before.
> A little later that night, the pair made a stop at a warehouse on the
>docks. Inside was a large fighting ring, and a lot of people.
Aeris: Hey! It’s the same set from the last tournament! RanmaSolo, you cheap bastard!
>Up in the ring, an announcer was calling for volunteers to fight against the latest champions.
>Chun Li volunteered right away and was accepted up.
> A lot of the men were staring at her tight outfit.
Syaoran: Even after they tried to make her seem *less* like fanservice bait in Alpha.
>It consisted of a spandex sleeveless catsuit, and an embowered vest. The outfit was two shades
>of blue and the embroidery was yellow.
Kero: Chun-Li Xiang *IS* Emma Peel!
>Her challenger was another woman. The
>woman was a large biker type, wearing tight leather. Unfortunately she was
>really fat and her outfit looked like it was made for someone half her size.
>The crowd didn't like her at all.
Aeris: Rosanne Arnold *IS* Trinity!
All: Ewwwww…
> Sakura took about a quarter of the money she had and bet in on Chun Li,
>along with a large amount of money Chun Li had given her to bet. The fight was
>to start after everyone betted... although Sakura noticed most people bet on
>the fat lady.
Sakura: Because most people were stupid.
Tomoyo:<fat lady> This isn’t over until I sing!
> "Begin!" the announcer exclaimed as he jumped from the ring.
Kero:<announcer> I’m getting the hell out of this fic while I can!
>The fat lady ran at Chun Li like a sumo wrestler.
Aeris: Oh, it’s E. Honda’s long lost sister.
Tomoyo:<Chun-Li> She reminds me of my old camera technician.
Syaoran: RanmaSolo still hasn’t done as much damage to Street Fighter as Van Damme did,
>Using her powerful legs, Chun Li jumped over her opponent who went crashing in to the ropes. The fat lady used
>the ropes to spring back. Upon seeing that, Chun Li jumped straight into the
>air and kicked up as she back flipped.
<All stare blankly>
Kero: The hell?! How would *that* work?
>Her foot connected with the lard in the
>ladies chin(s), knocking it into her face and temporarily blinding her.
Syaoran: Ummm… Okay.
> Chun Li finished her flip by landing on her hands. With a push, she went
>into the air feet first, doing the splits with her legs (splits that almost
>made Sakura jealous).
Kero: Must… not… say… it…
>She called out, "Spinning Star Kick!" and started to
>spin.
Aeris: Oooh… Sorry, author. But the correct answer is “Spinning *Bird* Kick”.
Sakura: Note to all authors: Before writing a fanfic, know your source material.
>She spun so fast, she floated on the air like a helicopter right at the
>fat lady. Chun Li's feet started pounding the lady's face as her flab fell
>back into place under her chin. She had less then a second to see before she
>was knocked out.
Tomoyo: HYPER COMBO FINISH!!
All: K.O.!!
> When the tub of lard hit the ground and didn't move, Chun Li smiled and
>giggled as she stuck her hand out to make a piece sign at the crowd.
Sakura:<Chun-Li, giggles> That’s that! ^-^
>That caused the crowd to cheer wildly. Sakura was cheering the loudest.
Syaoran: Which is curious since most of them bet on the *loser*.
Kero:<crowd> We lost our money! YAAAAAAYYY!!
> A couple of fights later, Sakura finally had a chance at fighting. She
>gave Chun Li all her money to bet on her. Chun Li likewise took a good portion
>of her winnings and bet on Sakura.
Tomoyo: Why? She doesn’t even know if Sakura is any good.
Aeris: She read ahead in the story.
> Sakura went into the ring. At the opposite corner entered an American
>military guy. His hair was blonde, and long in the front. He wore a yellow
>vest and green pants and of course military boots.
Kero:<announcer> And in this cornaaahhh, Charlie “Dead Man Walking” Naaaaaaaasshhhhh!!
>It was also obvious that he
>had been in lots of fights. His arms and chest were scarred, and it looked
>like he had been burned in some areas.
Sakura: He really shouldn’t have tried to use Joe Don Baker’s lighter.
Syaoran: And all these were just from M. Bison’s attempts to kill him.
> "You expect me to fight a little girl!!!" he exclaimed into the crowd.
>Sakura felt that statement like a physical blow.
Tomoyo: Fortunately, Motoko Aoyama wasn’t around to shoot her full of arrows.
>No one had ever said that about her since she started fighting. "I do not fight children." He stated
>flatly. Sakura felt another invisible blow.
Kero: Okay, who let Reptile in the building?
> "Why, don't you think you can handle a 'LITTLE GIRL'?" she asked with
>venom in her voice.
Sakura:<Sakura Kasugano> There is no more Sakura Kasugano, there is only Venom!
>Although Chun Li wasn't sure, she thought she saw a faint
>glow around Sakura. The military man didn't notice the glow. All he did was
>laugh. That laugh started the whole room laughing. Sakura was pissed.
Tomoyo:<Sakura Kasugano> Urge to kill… rising.
Aeris: If this was a Vs. game, she could have vaporized him by now.
>"SHUN-PU-KYAKU!!" she exclaimed as she ran at the military man. About five
>feet from him, she jumped in to the air and spun with her leg out.
Syaoran: Fight scenes choreographed by Dr. Thinker.
> "Hahahah--huh?" The man said as Sakura's foot hit his open mouth...
>three times. He unceremoniously fell into the ropes. Sakura landed gracefully
>on her feet.
> "Not bad for a 'little girl'?" she said with a mocking smile.
> "Not... bad at all, especially for a little girl." He replied, mocking
>her more than she mocked him. Sakura ran at him with fury in her eyes.
Kero: Who does she think she is? Terry Bogard?
>"SHO-O..." She was cut off by when the military guy exclaimed...
All:<singing> There’s no business like SHO business…
> "FLASH KICK!!!" He leaped into the air, right foot flying forward into
>Sakura's chest.
Sakura:<Mahoro> Kick to the heart!
>Sakura flew into the air from the force of the kick as the
>American somersaulted backwards and landed on his feet. Sakura landed on her
>butt... HARD.
Aeris: Damn difficulty setting is stuck…
>She was also dazed. "Kid, stay down now, all right. I don't
>want to hurt you."
Tomoyo:<Sakura Kasugano> Yeah. Well, I want to hurt *you*.
> Sakura rose to her feet. She saw the American... er... Americans.
>Apparently this guy had about six identical brothers.
Syaoran: Oh, he’s one of the
>She wasn't going to let him... them beat her. She would win this fight so that she could show Chun Li
>how good she really was. Not to mention the fact she didn't want to lose her
>money.
All:<singing> Just give me money! That’s what I want!
> The American looked at her. *She has spunk, I'll give her that*, he
>though to himself. "Kid, I don't want to..." He was cut off abruptly as
>Sakura did a quick uppercut to his chin, almost causing him to bite his tongue
>off. The American was a bit dazed now. Sakura went to grab his vest to throw
>him, but grabbed his dog tags instead. She looked at them.
Aeris: Because you should really stop for crap like that in the middle of a fight.
> "OK, Charles, I don't care if you don't want to hurt me, but I'm not
>going to let you win," she said to the now three dazed Americans in front of
>her.
> "Call me Charlie," he said as he did a sweep kick.
Syaoran:<Charlie> Call me Ishmael!
Kero:<Charlie as Misao Makimachi> Call me Okashira!
>Sakura was prepared for it and jumped. Unfortunately, she jumped from the foot of the third
>American, and was hit by the foot of the first American.
Tomoyo: The hell…?
Sakura: Damn Americans… Think they can take over wherever they want.
>Once again, she found herself on her butt. Without thinking about it, she spun on her butt with her
>leg out.
Aeris: Well, that’s an interesting mental image for you.
Syaoran: What is this? Butt-Fu?
>She connected with Charlie's foot and caused him to fall. She knew
>if he wasn't dazed, that move would never have worked. "Cute kid, real cute."
Tomoyo: KAWAII!!
> "I know I am," she said. Now there was only one Charlie in front of her,
>and he was getting back up. He did look a little shaky though. Sakura did a
>sweep, and knocked Charlie back to the ground. "You really shouldn't be on
>your feet."
Kero:<Morrigan Aensland> I can be rough. Just stay on your back.
> "Thanks for your concern," he replied as he got up again. This time he
>didn't look at all dazed. "Flash Kick!!!" he exclaimed again.
Aeris:<Sakura Kasugano> Eeeewww! Put the trenchcoat back on!
Sakura: Aeris…
>This time Sakura was ready for it. As his foot went up, she ducked down. The kick went
>over her head, but not by much. She pushed forward with her feet, and went
>under Charlie to pass behind him.
> Charlie wasn't an idiot.
Syaoran: I’d like to argue that point.
>He knew he was in trouble when he missed the
>girl. The flash kick was his strongest move, but it left him too vulnerable
>when he missed. He tried to look for the girl while doing his back flip, but
>that was too distorting.
Tomoyo: Kinda like this fic when it comes to Street Fighter continuity.
>When he landed he wasn't even sure where he landed.
Kero: Ryoga Hibiki *IS* Charlie Nash!
>It was obvious to him, though, that he landed with his back to his opponent.
>That was only because he felt a hard kick to his ass.
Syaoran: Wow… Now it’s become literal!
Aeris:<Sakura Kasugano> Uhh… My foot is stuck! Could I get a little help here?
Sakura: Eeeww…
> He could tell by the kick, she didn't want to hurt him, or she would have
>kicked higher and done some real damage. He didn't underestimate her anymore.
>She was a lot better than he had thought at the beginning of the match. He was
>positive, if she had wanted to, she could have broken his spine with that kick.
All: CRACK!!
Kero:<Charlie> My SPINE!!
Tomoyo: Guess she just did.
> Charlie decided that instead of stopping his forward momentum, he would go
>with it. He headed right towards the ropes and allowed himself to run into and
>slip over them. He was out of the ring and disqualified.
Syaoran: The marines never retreat… Except from a schoolgirl with attitude.
> The crowd went wild. Cheers roared into the air in a deafening manner.
All:<crowd, montone> Yay…
>Apparently none of the crowd had realized that Charlie's fall was at least
>partially faked. Sakura ignored the referee and went to see how he was.
> "You're pretty good," he said to her with a smile. She helped him to his
>feet. "Thanks."
Kero:<Charlie> Well, it’s official. My dignity is long gone. I’ll go off somewhere and die now.
> "You're welcome," she replied. She got a little closer to him. "I was
>wondering though, if you have ever fought a street fighter named Ryu." She
>also described Ryu's moves and looks."
Tomoyo: Wait… Was someone speaking that last line or…
Aeris: Sakura has taken a career change and become a detective.
Sakura: I was wondering who was going to replace Lenny Briscoe.
> "I do remember him I think," he answered after a moment. "Guile, a
>friend of mine, fought against him and Ken," he paused a moment. "Of course
>Guile won."
Syaoran: Yeah. Guile beat Ryu *and* Ken at the same time. I’m buying this.
Kero: Yeah. Guile didn’t even beat Ben Hutchins in “Warrior’s Legacy”, even after Ben gave him the nickname “Bucky”.
> "Who's Ken?" she asked. *Is that the same Ken coach mentioned.* At this
>point another fight was going on and Chun Li was still trying to reach the
>pair, but the crowd was blocking her way.
Tomoyo: No! It’s Ken of Barbie and Ken.
Sakura: Funny, I thought it was that guy who keeps popping up in fanfics about Sailor Jupiter.
> "You've met Ryu but not Ken?" he asked stunned. "The two were almost
>inseparable.
Syaoran and Kero:<Ryu and Ken, singing> We are Siamese, if you please.
>They spent a couple years traveling the world together, looking
>for new techniques. The two both still fight, but you know what... I haven't
>seen them fight together for about two years now."
Tomoyo: What? Are they a tag team now? Is this a Vs. game?
> "Have you seen Ryu recently?" she asked, delighted at the new
>information.
> "I'm sorry, but I haven't."
> Sakura frowned and felt a tear in her eye.
Aeris:<Sakura Kasugano> Hey… There’s something in my eye!
> "But I saw Ken just last week. He was heading back to
>might know where to look."
> Sakura was ecstatic. She felt like she was closer to finding her mentor
>then she had been in a long time.
Sakura: Wow. She sure changes gears fast.
> "Just look for
the Master's estate in
Kero:<dramatic> Stately Masters Manor…
> "Thank you," Sakura said and kissed him on the cheek.
Syaoran: For someone who hates men, she seems to be getting along with them pretty well.
>At that moment, Chun Li caught up to them. "Chun Li... I need you to take me to the airport
>right away," she announced.
> "What... why...???" she asked.
Tomoyo:<Sakura Kasugano> I have this uncontrollable urge to star in a movie with George Kennedy!
Aeris: Well, that makes one.
> "I got new information... please, Chun Li," she begged.
> "All right. Let's go." The two collected their winnings and ran out.
Sakura:<Chun-Li> TO THE CHUNMOBILE!!
> "Hey you two!!!" exclaimed a voice just after Sakura purchased her
>ticket. Chun Li was still with her.
Syaoran: Yes, fanfic. We kinda already guessed that.
>The pair turned to look at a lady who had
>also been at the warehouse.
Tomoyo: Even though there was no mention of her being there.
>She was wearing a bright red dress that seemed to
>barely cover her large breasts. It had a long slit up the side. To be honest,
>it really didn't cover much. Sakura and Chun Li could see all the guys staring
>at her and holding bloody noses.
Aeris: Oh God… We have our *second* crossover cameo!
> "You want to talk to us?" Chun Li asked even though she already knew the
>answer.
Kero: Then why did she ask?
Tomoyo:<Chun Li a la Robert DeNiro> You talkin’ to me?
> "Yes, I saw both of you fighting at the warehouse," she said quietly when
>she stood in front of her.
Sakura: Uhhh…. Who stood in front of who?
Aeris: Sakura’s Story! Filmed in VAGUE-O-VISION!
> "And you want to challenge us," Sakura stated.
> "Actually, no. I had a couple of suggestions for you two." Chun Li's
>and Sakura's jaws both dropped. "I'm very serious. When does your plane
>leave?"
Kero:<Sakura Kasugano> Next week, why?
> "Not for another three hours," Sakura replied.
> "Good, then follow me." And the lady headed off. Sakura and Chun Li
>were interested enough to follow.
Sakura: Does that mean if we’re not interested we don’t have to?
Aeris: No.
Sakura: Damn…
> "What's your name?" Sakura asked.
> "I'm Mai."
Tomoyo:<Mai> …Valentine. Have you seen a blond guy named Joey around?
> Mai took the pair to a sleazy martial arts dojo. Before they went in
>though, Mai put a dark cloak on.
Syaoran: She’s doing her Ringwraith impression.
> "I will give anyone who can beat me 3,000 yen," Mai said inside while
>holding up the Yen bills. All of the students got up to accept the challenge.
>To Chun Li and Sakura she said, "I'm going to show you a very good way to
>easily defeat a male opponent."
Kero: Oh no… We got enough of *that* in part one.
Sakura:<Mahoro> Ecchi is *BAD* for you!!
>To the guys in the dojo, "I'll take on all of
>you at one time." The guys all got into position. Mai pulled off the cloak,
>and all the guys started drooling and holding their noses. Mai went very fast
>and knocked all the opponents out.
Aeris: Forunately, Mai stumbled on the dojo for the fanboy school of martial arts.
> "That was great," Sakura said. Chun Li nodded in agreement.
Tomoyo: Yeah. It was such a wonderfully vague fight scene.
Syaoran: Be grateful that it was short, Daidouji.
> "I like to use my female endowments to my advantage. Ninety-eight
>percent of the men you fight will be flabbergasted at your body and you can get
>in the first hit and maybe more. Most of the women will be shocked that you
>dress for a fight in sleazy clothes. It should stun them momentarily, but not
>as long as it will the men. I think this will work well for you two. You're
>both very beautiful women.
Kero: Hey… Is she coming on to them?
Syaoran: You wish.
Sakura: So… what if you come up against a female opponent who uses the same strategy?
Aeris: Everyone loses but the fanboys.
> "Thank you," the pair replied, as the group left the dojo. Mai helped
>them pick out their new fighting clothes. She was really impressed by Sakura's
>choice of using her youth as well as her shape as a weapon.
Tomoyo: Because we really needed another clothes buying scene in fanfiction. Really, we did.
Syaoran: Read: RanmaSolo realizes he’s shot himself in the foot when it comes to Sakura’s battle clothes and is now backpedaling furiously.
> (NOTE There's a third one. I screwwed up...sorry)
Sakura:<author> …and I forgot too spellllcheck…. sorry
>Date:
>From: ranmasolo1@aol.com (RanmaSolo1)
>Subject: [SFa2][Fanfic] Sakura's story pt3 of 2 (sorry)
Kero: I prefer Seven of Nine myself.
>To: android@texas.net
Syaoran: Why is he sending this to George W. Bush?
>Status: O
>X-Status:
Tomoyo: Another new Marvel series?
>----BEGIN ORIGINAL HEADER BLOCK----
Aeris: BEGIN ORIGINAL MENTAL BLOCK
>X-Moderation-Queue-Date:
>Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative
>From: ranmasolo1@aol.com (RanmaSolo1)
>Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com
>Subject: [SFa2][Fanfic] Sakura's story pt3 of 2 (sorry)
>Followup-To: rec.arts.anime.fandom
>-----END ORIGINAL HEADER BLOCK-----
Kero: Thanks. We really needed to read all that crap.
Sakura: Let’s take a break before the chaos resumes.
<They exit the theater>
**
“Well, I suppose there’s something good about this second part,” said Kero as the group left the theater.
“What’s that?” Sakura asked.
“It’s not as bad as the first part,” Kero replied.
“Isn’t that kind of like saying a kick in the shins is better than a punch in the head?” Aeris inquired.
Kero shrugged. “All I’m saying is we should look on the bright side!”
“What bright side?” Syaoran muttered as he sat down near a control panel. “We still have one more chapter to go yet. Maybe more if this bonehead doesn’t *forget* something else.”
A group of plushies came in carrying a tray with a tea pot and several cups on it and set it down on the nearest table. Sakura first checked the tea to make sure it wasn’t the dreaded hikaru shidou special blend before pouring several cups.
“He has a point,” said Tomoyo as she accepted a cup of tea from Sakura. “Plus there’s that stupid header block that got left in there, which is never a good sign.”
“And so far all this guy seems to know about Street Fighter is derived from the instruction manual,” Aeris added as she stirred her cup. “The continuity errors in this fanfic are remarkable.”
“And then
there’s the fight scenes,” said Sakura. She pause to
take a sip of tea. “The *
“Geez…” grumbled Kero. “Excuse me for being an optimist…”
Suddenly, alarms and sirens rang out.
“OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!” Sakura cried out.
**
[TO BE CONTINUED IN PART THREE]
**
I took a lot longer with this than I expected. Lately I’ve been dealing with my brand new Megaman sprite based fancomic. I’d like to encourage all my readers, especially you Megaman fans, to check it out. It’s called “Reploid Hunter Iris-Code: Megaman X” and you can find it in the fancomics section at: http://www.bobandgeorge.com
Until next time ^-^
-CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)